Fear Not For I am With You

My mom and I have been working on a children's story for several years now. The idea started when my mom was going through a difficult season in her life. She was struggling with figuring out what her future was going to look like. Her kids has all moved out and gotten married, and her life was changing.
Out of that change, she felt the Lord asking her, "Do you trust me?"
Her replay was, "I am fearful you will not lead me. What about when I am old? Or in want? What about this, or that?"
Out of all of these questions, this story about a little lamb and a kind shepherd jumped into her head.
I remember the first time I heard the story. I was sitting on the edge of my mother-in-law's guest bed as my mom read me her story. My heart broke.

This is one of my favorite moments in the book, because the
shepherd bends down and tells the lamb that he understands his
worries, and that he has nothing to fear.

This lamb continually comes to the shepherd worried about his life. He keeps asking if the shepherd will take care of him in different circumstances. I don't remember what was going on in our lives at the time, but I just cried as I heard this little lamb's cries.Those cries were my heart too!
For the next year after my mom gave me the story, I tried to draw lambs. Having never really had a visual to draw from or life experience with sheep, I found myself getting frustrated and unsure how to make them come to life on the page.
Almost two years ago, I felt the Lord begin to work in my heart and pick at the fear and uncertainty I was feeling about my future. At the time, it was because we were pregnant with our second and I was afraid of what it was going to look like as a mom of two. At that time I began to see the lamb was starting to come to life in me.
That shift in my heart and my beginning to relate to the lamb was only the beginning though. A couple of months before January of last year, Ty got the news that his company was going to have layoffs after the new year. My heart was nervous and unsure what that all meant. I felt like the lamb. I felt the Lord leading me to start painting, so I did. I poured my worries and heart ache into my paintings. But that was only the beginning.

This is one of the scenes where he realizes he hasn't asked the shepherd
about a certain circumstance.

The day did come when my husband did get the layoff. That was a hard day. Those were hard days that followed. Those days my paintings came out dark and sad.
As the months have gone by, as my heart has ached and struggled with God's goodness and his divine purpose, I have begun to see him work in extraordinary ways.
I never really understood before hard times in my life, how a artist could pour their life into their paintings, until these hard times in my own life. There have been very few things in my life that have made my soul truly sing with joy. Painting my heart in worship before the Lord has become a new and beautiful experience for me.
I have been raw, hurt, felt forgotten, and discouraged, and with each day wondered what the Lord is doing. I have poured those thoughts and feelings into my lamb pictures. I have poured my pain, my hurt, and my disappointments at His feet. And He has returned His love for me ten fold.
My fingers, brain and soul have truly sung like they have never sung before. I have watched a painting come to life as never before in my life. There are times I feel like the Lord is directing my hands to paint, not myself.
The Lord has used my painting to remind me of his plan. Of his perfection. I think of what Mordecai told Esther when she asked why God had put her in the circumstances he had put her in.
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14
Who knows, Jules, perhaps you are in these circumstances for such a time as this. Perhaps you are in these circumstances so as to see the Lord through new eyes and a new heart. Perhaps this book needed such a hard time like this for you to truly see God's heart.
I am continuing to read the book " Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch. In chapter 8, she suggests the family read and memorize Psalm 23. This is where it all started for my mom those 3 or more years ago when the idea of this story started.
"The Lord is my shepherd:
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever."

The kind shepherd laughs at the days to come! He knows what is to come and he takes care of his children-(is picture is in progress, but I love the shepherd's embrace for his little lamb and the lamb's smile of contentment.)

I have need of nothing! He leads me into rest and peace. He renews my strength. He guides me for his glory! I fear not because my God is right beside me even in hard times. He protects and comforts. He has provided for my every need. I lack nothing. His goodness and love will be with me and pursue me for the rest of my days!
Praise in the midst of the storm is that the Lord is good! He has used this hard time in my life for his glory and fame! Praise him!