My sister-in-law, Emily, posted a blog on what God is teaching her, and it truly struck home with me. I wanted to take a few minutes and remember what God has done for me and Tyler and share some of the things that God has been teaching me through this journey to motherhood.
I never could have imagined my life as it is! Seven and a half months pregnant, married to the most amazing husband, owning the silliest fun dog ever...I wouldn't trade any of it. I will say that being pregnant isn't easy, but I do know and wait in anticipation for the reward that comes at the end:)
I think that is one of the biggest things that God has been teaching me right now. Children are a blessing, a beautiful awesome gift from God. Lately as I have talked with people about having a child, I often have only heard negative comments in return.
"Oh, you just wait until..." Fill in the blank.
There have been a few godly people though, who have come up to me and have simply smiled and have said quietly,
"Just wait to be blessed!"
"Just wait for God to show you more about yourself and your relationship to Him."
Those are the people that my ears perk up to. I want to be around them. I want to hear what they have to say. For them, yes there was hard days...but they chose to focus in hind sight on the blessings that came from having their children.
Looking at our world today, the sad truth is that many believe having children is a nascence, something to be avoided as long as possible. When the time finally arrives, they are continued to be thought of as a nascence...the different stages are dreaded...their lifestyles are forever changed...they will never have "fun" like they did before kids.
I can't tell you how hard it is some times not to fall into this mind set, to think that my life is never going to be the same in a bad way. Watching my now big belly move around as our child tries to get comfortable, I am continually brought back to the amazing truth. God blessed us with this child. God allowed my body to work how he designed it to. When he created Eve, when he was all done, he said it was very good! This little life inside me is a good and beautiful thing!
I know all you moms are probably thinking in the back of your head, "Oh just you wait until you have to get up at 2 am in the morning to feed your newborn! Just you wait..."
God has really been convicting me about my heart on those very matters. I don't know if any of my fellow pregnant friends ever used the excuse:
"I am hormonal right now(therefore I don't have to be responsible for my actions or words right now...I can be grumpy or say unkind things...all because I have these crazy hormones running through me!) I know I have been gilty of that crutch more than once. (strongly convicted on that by the way)
One Sunday a week or so ago, I woke up feeling pretty stiff. I actually felt like a train had run me over several times. (not a good way to start the day) I was brushing my teeth and I could feel that grumpy monster that seems to creep up on me almost every Sunday start to rear his ugly head into my thoughts. I tried praying and quoting scripture to myself, but I really wasn't relying on God. I was trying to do it in my own strength. I would make two steps out of the pit of grumpiness and than fall right back in.
Over the last month, I have been starting to meet with a lady from my church, and she had been challenging me to memorize scripture and than looking for ways that it applies to our every day lives, seeking heart change instead of just head knowledge. I had been memorizing John 15:4-6 about abiding in Jesus. I was there in front of the mirror trying to battle my sin, when the end of verse 5 popped into my head,"...apart from me, you can do nothing."
So I started trying harder to abide in Jesus and thinking of the scripture that I had been memorizing and praying quietly. Again I heard the end of verse 5 pop into my head, this time more insistent...
"...apart from me, YOU can do nothing."
Than it hit me...I can't fight this sin on my own, not even for a second I can't. Only Christ can. A part of abiding in him is choosing to let go of any control we think we have and allowing God to transform our heart. Needless to say, my perspective on memorization has started to take a new outlook.
Now that I know that I have the ability to choose my attitude and actions through Christ, shouldn't that give me hope in Christ that he will change my heart and my thoughts toward those early morning feedings and millions of diaper changes? I am praying for this often! I pray that he will prepare my heart for the selflessness that will need to come from taking care of my little one and serving my husband. I pray for a heart of joy on the discouraging days of endless crying and runny noses and temper tantrums.
I am realizing that I will have to take one day at a time...maybe even one moment at a time.
Matthew 6:25-34
25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your lifee ?
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
I am so thankful for these words that Jesus taught! I am a worrier. Just ask my husband....lol...The poor guy is always reminding me about where my heart is at and for that I am thankful that I do not have a husband that struggles with worry as well. Talking to most moms, they don't even have their bags packed for a hospital...this girl has packed and repacked...and will probably pack again and again till everything is exactly at she wants it...This girl has the nursery ready to go...this girl is trying to figure out how to do life already with a baby minus the baby itself being there. I am an organizer and I am realizing that I can only be so prepared. Again it goes back to that John 15 verse 5. Apart from Christ, I can not do this. I can not be the mommy and wife that I need to be. I can't even minister to others in my range of influence with out Christ.
I am so encouraged by the hope that is founded in abiding in Christ. I don't have to worry. I know he has our little son held in his hands. He holds me in his hands. He holds the doctors and nurses in his hands who will help with the delivery. He has it all under control...and he can give me the peace that surpasses all understanding if I allow him to.
Well this momma has to get moving on the day...God is so good! Abide in Him, draw near to Him...and he will do amazing things in your heart and life!
Love
Jules
