One Of Those Moms

Most days, I feel like "that mom". You know the one who looks tired and half crazed going through the grocery line. That mom who every five minutes tells her child to stop grabbing food from the shelves...to stop licking their brother... to stop licking the cheese I just put in the basket?...What? Some days I just step back from my frazzled self, almost as if I was in the third person watching myself, and ask, "Who is that person? And what is her problem?"
I know I signed on to be a mommy, and in fact I really always wanted to be a mommy. No amount of other moms telling me would ever prepared me for the daily grind though. Some days I feel like I am just barely surviving. Like someone pushed me into the water and I forgot to swim, so I just keep holding my breath.
Today was one of "those" days. I got a late start since my phone was on silent and my alarm went off and of course I couldn't hear it. So I was a hour and a half behind( You know that feeling like you're playing catch up, but you never really catch up?)
Did some work and headed out to do some chores around town. I don't know why but I always put way too much on my list...Like way more than we could possibly get done with two little boys in tow. Some of my errands took longer than I thought they would, so we finally get home at 1 pm. I think at this point my nose is barely above water. I am starving and so are my kids and my groceries are every where. So as I am putting away groceries, I am throwing food at my kids, longing for the moment to sit myself and eat.
I get what you call hangry...hungry and angry...when I don't have food. I need it like the air that I breath. When my blood sugar drops, I get very grumpy. I am grumbling under my breath and just wanting to run away from the groceries, responsibility, my kids, pressure, you name it...and suddenly a verse comes to mind.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

I start singing the old Steve Green's version I remember as a kid. As I sang, I felt the Lord changing my heart about my day. So what if I got to eat my lunch around 2 pm. So what if the kids were hard today. Where does my strength come from? It comes from God! There is no mistake he gave me my two little boys. Yes they are rambunctious and some times a little crazy, but God has given me the ability to be their Mamma.
The truth is in of myself, I can not be the godly mamma they need. I am a sinner saved by grace. It's through Christ that I am clean. And it is through Christ that he begins to change and grow me into who He wants me to be. Today I was empty. I was trying to fill myself with being a productive mom. I need to fill myself with Christ. Only then can I find the strength on even the hard days to be patient, kind and loving toward my little men.